You can't change the past

Q. Dear Mary, my problem is that I keep dwelling on negative feelings with me. It can take six months, a year, or even several years. Just when I think I’ve finally managed to push them out of my consciousness after a long period of time, whenever something happens, I remember past failures as if it happened yesterday. Then I get depressed and sad again, ang get stuck in a negative loop. I will lose my energy and appetite, and then I feel so depressed. I hate myself. How can I get out of this negative loop? (Luna, 18)

A. People often say that time will heal feelings of anger and sadness, right? Like it will settle down in time. But it's not that easy. What if it doesn't get better no matter how long you wait? That would be a direct path to depression. First of all, the important premise is that “you can't change the past.” Even if you think “I want to go back to the past,” or ”I want to pretend that failure never happened,” you can never change what happened in the past. If you keep remembering your past failures, it means the root of your worries lies in the past. That means you're stuck in a problem that you can't solve. Once you realize that, the way out is right in front of you.